Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
