just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
