i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
