he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My balls are so social today.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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