I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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