Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
