I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
