She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
