how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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