I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
