Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
A+ Viking dick
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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