R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
