I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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