But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
