I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
