no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
