Already got asked if we're dating
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
