I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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