I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
