I looked at my own cervix.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
