Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She's the barista slut.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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