I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
