I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
