if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
