thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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