He disabled his match.com account in front of me
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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