beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
