That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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