wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
