He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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