It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
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