Rock
Scissors
Fuck
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
please come you make the beer taste better
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
