I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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