if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Houston, we have a blender
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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