Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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