so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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