There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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