Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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