I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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