just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
