You work out of a Hotel?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
