He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
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