They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
