Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
