I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
