I wish I could punch you in the face.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
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Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
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I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
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