see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
