someone threw a dead crab at me
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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