Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
