i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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