Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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