Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
