Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
