Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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