Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
