Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
