It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
