good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I have fence marks all over my body
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Randomize
