look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
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i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
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Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn