Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
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Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
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Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone