i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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