Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on