i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.