At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
