...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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