i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
