she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
