I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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