the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
