i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
