The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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