Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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