Umm I'm too high to move.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
