So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
