i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
