I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
