I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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