On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
