I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize