just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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