So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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