you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
