He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
