Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
