I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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