I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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