you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
