the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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