I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
