im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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