sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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