oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
